It’s a New Year and a time for reflection. After all, that’s where New Year’s Resolutions come from, right? You look back on the past year and think about things you’d like to change about yourself or things you’d like to do that you didn’t make time for last year. I was reading the paper the other day and apparently, most people take classes of some nature to help them accomplish their New Year’s goals.
Some folks take fitness classes, some take dance classes, and others try writing, cooking or more substantive college classes…different strokes for different folks. Me and the missus have signed up for Salsa Caliente lessons. Now, I have no idea what the Salsa Caliente classes will entail (hot salsa?) but this is the latest dance craze she just has to try. Last year, she took a super trendy belly dancing class, and I have to say I was pretty happy with the results. Somehow I doubt that, in my middle-age grandeur, I will be any good at Salsa Caliente, but I’m going to go (well, at least the first couple times). In our quest for “something we can do together that will be fun,” we pored over numerous course listings and catalogs, and I realized that some of our local notables might benefit from classes to help them accomplish their New Year’s Resolutions – hey some of them can even go to class together…
Some of our meek, mute and relatively useless City Council members could join a Toastmasters Club. Bob Kneemiller, Larry Muench, Mike Weller, and Jerry Reese could use a bit of self-confidence, a little backbone and some public speaking skills. Their palpable fear of Patti York and her unholy protectors’ bottomless deep pockets is rather cowardly and thoroughly disappointing. Perhaps they might “see the light” and learn to govern on behalf of their residents (instead of their financial benefactors) if they develop some self-confidence and stop hiding behind Patti’s skirts.
Bob Hoepfner, on the other hand, should try Yoga. He can certainly use lessons on relaxation techniques, and meditation might be just what the doctor ordered. After all, with his new emphasis on self-promotion and profiteering, he might benefit from finding his “center” again.
Patti York should definitely consider attending one of the training seminars scheduled by the Missouri Ethics Commission. While these classes will concentrate on complying with campaign finance laws and reporting requirements, anyone as ethically challenged as Perilous Patti can probably benefit from the information. I doubt the instructors will cover her favorite topics (fleecing the taxpayers and abusing your authority as an elected official to funnel city contracts to your cronies), but maybe she can offer to teach an advanced class for the determined and ruthless – her first student can be Kevin Kast.
Tom Hughes, Claude Knight, Glenn Jamboretz and Ken Kielty can try a cooking class. With the next scheduled election coming in 2007 and their carefully cooked-up “do-over” recall election sooner then that, they will need to learn some new tricks and techniques because their old recipes have become rather stale. They probably need to explore using some new ingredients (other than paid thugs, intimidation and badly written fictional press releases) and the latest fusion techniques (created by Jack Abramoff) as they attempt to buy Adolphus his very own city government, one corrupt politician at a time.
Linda Meyer, and her mouthpiece Mike Kielty, should register for American Government 101. Apparently, they think that elections should be decided by judges and that “do-overs” are merely an alternative electoral process. These pitiable Great Rivers pawns are sorely in need of a primer on elections – hey guys: Elections occur on Election Day, and do-overs (a.k.a. recalls) are not really the “will of the people.” If you desire a certain outcome from an election, then you should work hard BEFORE the election to turn out like-minded voters. Otherwise, you need to wait for the next election! As an aside, Linda should add an Acting class to her curriculum. Linda’s pathetic performances at City Council meetings fool no one and are in dire need of improvement. Right now, her palpable desire to “steal” Darling Dottie’s council seat is thoroughly transparent.
For a couple of the local “journalists” attempting to chronicle the goings-on in St. Charles, how about a refresher journalism course? John Sonderegger probably needs to be reminded that even though he’s a columnist, he needs to report the news rather than give a groupie-like, worshipful accounting of Patti and her cohorts in his quest for an invitation to sit with the “cool kids” in the cafeteria. Get a clue John, grown men don’t refer to themselves in the third person and the “cool kids” will never like you…alas, Patti will not go to the prom with you, ever. Ed Watkins probably needs a review of what constitutes the news. Just because Tom Hughes provides the funding, he doesn’t get to write the news. You might review the “journalistic” environment in the former Soviet Union and re-think your arrangement.
Our embattled City Administrator Allan Williams should schedule a session with a counselor at the Missouri Career Center over in St. Peters. He clearly needs to tune up his resume and move on to his next professional opportunity. FYI Allan – when your contract is not renewed, it’s time for you to leave. And, next time you want to be an “active participant” in city politics, try running for office yourself.
Last but not least, I would encourage Darling Dottie, Doc Riddler and their comrades to give Pilates a whirl. With its emphasis on core strength and stability, this particular fitness class may help fortify their resolve to persevere in the face of adversity. I certainly wish them the best of luck as they take on Perilous Patti, Adolphus and the others poised to attack our city government for their own personal gain.
I wish you all a Happy New Year and the best of luck as you tackle your New Year’s Resolutions – I’ll be salsa dancing on Tuesday and Thursday nights for the time being. Olé!
