County Executive Joe Ortwerth is once again suing the City of St. Peters alleging that the city’s use of Missouri’s Tax Increment Financing statute violates the Missouri Constitution.
He lost his last lawsuit against the city, which made virtually the same claims, because he blew the statute of limitations. In English, he waited too long to file the lawsuit.
This time, Ortwerth is suing over the T.I.F. in the Lakeside 370 Development. So he has thrown in with the lawsuit brought by brewery baron Adolphus Busch IV.
Ironically, they were recently engaged in their own battle over the expansion of Smartt Field, which Ortwerth proposed and Adolphus hated as it might interfere with duck hunting. But even these two bitter rivals can come together to join in that all too American pastime of filing frivolous lawsuits against the taxpayers. If love can’t keep us together, maybe a common enemy can get the job done.
Now a majority of the St. Charles County Council has already publicly stated that they oppose Ortwerth’s latest trip back to the courthouse. Under the current County Charter, however, no one can stop Ortwerth from spending taxpayer money to file any lawsuit he chooses.
The problem has become so prevalent that earlier this year the County Council overrode Ortwerth’s veto to place on the ballot a charter change to require him to get Council approval before he sues another municipality. That change, however, will not come in time to stop Ortwerth’s latest effort to clog the courthouse’s docket.
But for the sake of argument (or at least humor’s sake), let’s imagine that the County Council was simpatico with Ortwerth’s crusade against St. Peters. In that case, the County’s politicians are missing out on the obvious way to humiliate the St. Peters’ politicians and resolve this whole T.I.F. issue once and for all.
Ortwerth should propose an intergovernmental basketball game. Now, I am not suggesting that Ortwerth himself should play. I am relatively sure that in high school Ortwerth would have had a hard time getting to be the team’s towel boy. And I’m guessing that he probably saw the inside of a locker at least once in middle school. But just think of the team that the County could field.
First, you have Ortwerth’s right hand man – County Director of Administration Steve Ehlmann. Ehlmann was a star player in his youth and a high school basketball coach. And he is tall. Ortwerth should make Ehlmann the team captain.
Then, he also has two monster forwards in Councilmen Joe McCulloch and Jeff Morrison, who are both taller than Ehlmann. But I’d still play Ehlmann in the center because Ortwerth is going to have trouble keeping these three in sync (you never see all three of them in agreement). But these three giants together would never miss a rebound. What a front line.
This leaves Ortwerth with a fourth “big man” in Councilman Dan Foust to play at guard. On any other team, Foust would serve in the paint, but on this monster team, he’ll actually reduce the average height.
The fifth spot presents more of a question. Councilman Joe Brazil is likely the most athletic of the remaining council members. But based on the way he behaves on the Council, he would probably be a “ball hog” (i.e., he’d steal the ball from his own teammates). So, I would suggest using Councilman Bob Schnur or Doug Funderburk instead; they would be better “team players.”
Now St. Peters’ only potential for a center would be Alderman David Hayes. He is a big man, but he would still be dwarfed by four of the County’s players. Alderman Bruce Holt is also tall, but everyone knows that he has bad knees.
St. Peters would find it impossible to field a competitive basketball team against the County’s juggernaut. Their only potential to save face would be to counter-propose a contest of five-on-five football.
In football, St. Peters would have a mass advantage. Just imagine a line comprised of Alderman Hayes, Alderman Terry Hawkins and Alderman Rocky Reitmeyer.
Throw Mayor Shawn Brown on that line as well. He wasn’t that big when he got elected, but he has been bulking up since the election – it must be all those catered meals meeting with Adolphus to get his marching orders.
Now for a fifth, I’d suggest Alderman Jerry Hollingsworth. He doesn’t have any size but that little slickster is kind of a scrappy survivor. Recently he out’d himself as a recovering alcoholic right before Adolphus’ troops were about to embarrass him with it at a St. Peters meeting. That takes guts. I’d give him the ball and let St. Peters’ big boys cut a hole in the County’s taller but leaner line.
Granted, this all may seem like a silly way to resolve the feud. But it isn’t really any sillier than Ortwerth’s perpetual lawsuits. And it would be a whole lot cheaper for the taxpayers. So let the games begin…
