This past weekend, I was watching the Disney classic Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs with my niece while we enjoyed a lovely Saturday afternoon. Actually, I napped through most of the movie, but that’s our little secret since I was officially babysitting.
Later that weekend, I caught a replay of the St. Charles City Council Meeting on cable access television and I also nodded off but not without noticing an alarming number of similarities in the cast of characters. I fell asleep with an interesting tale developing in my mind…
Darling Dottie and the Seven Dwarfs…
Once upon a time, there lived a lovely little Princess Councilmember named Darling Dottie. Her vain wicked Stepmother, Mayor Perilous Patti, feared that someday Darling Dottie’s popularity would surpass her own. So she directed her terrorized subjects to drum up a recall effort against Darling Dottie. She disgraced Darling Dottie and sent her to the dungeon of City Hall to shred files.
Perilous Patti did all she could to maintain control over her subjects and her land. She used a Magic Mirror named Kneemiller to help her target her enemies. The Mirror could magically see the entire land and always told Perilous Patti what it saw. As long as Magic Mirror Kneemiller told her the truth, she could dispatch her dark knights, Terrible Tom Hughes and Krazy Ken Kielty to do her bidding and attack her enemies. In order to maintain her supremacy over Darling Dottie, Perilous Patti spoke to Magic Mirror Kneemiller each day.
One day Perilous Patti asked the Mirror that fateful question…”Magic Mirror Kneemiller on the wall, who is the most popular politician of all?” Alas, Magic Mirror Kneemiller could not tell a lie, and Perilous Pattie was enraged. It seemed that Perilous Patti was losing her grip on the minds of her subjects and it appeared to be Darling Dottie’s fault.
Darling Dottie was banished to the hundred year floodplain at once and left to wander with the waterfowl. There she was found by an unlikely group of seven little men who took her into their home. The leader was Doc Rory Riddler, a smart and capable leader who kept everyone on task and had the solid backing of some of the dwarfs including Happy John Gieseke, and Sneezy Mark Brown. Unfortunately for Doc Riddler, he had a few dwarfs who thought Perilous Patti was pretty neat or just did their own thing including Sleepy Mike Weller, Grumpy Bob Hoepfner, Bashful Jerry Reese and Dopey Larry Muench (who is mute at least).
The dwarfs and Darling Dottie enjoyed themselves for a time and things seemed to be going well in their floodplain cottage. Doc Riddler was especially happy to have a solid voting block of four with Darling Dottie weighing in on his side. But he dreamed of a day when he would have five solid votes. And Darling Dottie dreamed of a prince who would help her vanquish Perilous Patti.
Perilous Patti remembered to check in on Darling Dottie sometime later when she realized her block of five votes (which included a mirror for goodness sake) was weak and city government was not running as she commanded.
Then Darling Dottie innocently asked how much Perilous Patti was paying out of the kingdom’s treasury to her personal bodyguards. Perilous Patti was outraged. She decided to handle the matter herself.
After skipping her appointment at the salon to let her hair color go natural, she transformed into the old hag she really was. With a poisonous apple provided by Terrible Tom in her basket, she set off for the floodplain to surprise Darling Dottie. Using her evil powers of persuasion, Perilous Patti enticed Darling Dottie to eat the poisonous apple. Darling Dottie fell into a deep slumber. Even though Perilous Patti could not recall Darling Dottie without the requisite number of signatures, Darling Dottie would cause no more trouble.
The dwarfs were heartbroken when they found Darling Dottie. They warded off the ducks who had attempted to nest on her sleeping body and built her a beautiful duck blind for her deep slumber.
Many duck hunting seasons came and went as Darling Dottie was protected in her duck blind. The dwarfs had almost given up hope, when Darling Dottie’s prince arrived.
Prince Joe Koester had come to save Darling Dottie. As he kissed her hand, she came back to life with the enthusiasm she always had and the extra vote needed to vanquish Perilous Patti and her reign of terror.
Darling Dottie and Doc Riddler led the Fabulous Five back to City Hall. And the dwarfs lived happily ever after…sort of.
I woke with a start and I realized it was time to mow the lawn. I had to leave the comfort of my fairy tale and return to the real world. Too bad, I would have liked to wonder more about the fate of Perilous Patti…
The End
ttt
