Letter From Airline CEO
Prompts Flight Of Fancy
Or...Fear Of Flying Coach!
It had been a while since my last airline flight. In fact, I hadn’t been back on a plane since right after 9/11 when I flew to Atlanta for a conference. The National Guard was out then and everyone was a little trigger happy. I remember one younger serviceman drawing his weapon as a woman in “metal studded” black leather pants, threw a tantrum over not being able to get through the metal detectors. All I had to remove this time were my shoes. Fortunately I remembered to put on a pair of socks without holes at 4:30 in the morning as I dressed for my 6:30 flight to Vegas.
Now before you think I went there and bet all your tax money on number ten, remember I could have done that at our own casino. No, I was traveling to Las Vegas for the International Council of Shopping Centers (ICSC) annual convention. Here city officials met in whirlwind one-on-one sessions with developers of commercial real estate. The goal was to interest people in doing commercial developments in our city. It was one of the largest conventions I’ve ever been to, in one of the few cities that could handle a convention that large.
I was only there for 48 hours...barely enough time to have one of Sylvester Stallone’s bodyguards tell me to move out of his way on a public sidewalk. Noticing that the star of all those “Rocky” and “Rambo” movies only comes up to about my nose, I figure Stallone needs the protection.
I don’t mean to sound hard on Las Vegas, but they could have picked a spot more capable of sustaining human life. I wasn’t prepared for 105 degrees in May. At the risk of further offending the Las Vegas Convention & Visitors Bureau, my other travel tip is don’t turn on the local news. That way the only shootings on the Strip you will hear about are the ones within earshot.
As I mentioned in the lead, this column is really about my return as a passenger to the world of commercial airlines in the Post-TWA Era. For those of us in St. Louis, that often means flying American Airlines. I was surprised by a few of the changes just a couple of years had brought.
One of these was the absence of the flight attendant safety pantomime. I was one of the few passengers that ever paid attention as they pointed out the various exits. Passengers instead are regaled by a slick promotional video on the in-flight movie screens of all the safety features loaded into the plane. How about attaching a spare engine for my safety and comfort?
What really made an impression on me, however, was when they showed passengers demonstrating the proper technique for putting on life preservers. On the front of the bright yellow vests was American Airlines signature double “A” logo. I’m all for product branding, but aren’t life vests the one thing you could probably leave your corporate logo off. After all, how much value is there is catching your company logo on the evening news as they pluck survivors from the water?
Gone too was the curtain separating First Class passengers from those of us riding coach. At 10:30 on the flight back, they started serving some sort of hot brunch to the passengers in First Class. I was only four rows back in coach. We could smell the aroma of the food as it wafted through the plane. We could see the rolls piled high on the cart just ready for butter. Being Third World refugees in the back of the plane, we were offered an optional $2 box of dried fruit snacks. Isn’t that considered cruel and unusual punishment in some countries?
I wasn’t prepared for the change in snack foods either. I miss the honey roasted peanuts. I even miss those tiny pretzels. But through exhaustive research, American Airlines has apparently concluded that what I really need to snack on while flying is...a granola bar (low fat of course). How did they know I was overweight?
Which reminds me of the problem that befell some of my fellow Councilmen who traveled West on an earlier flight. They learned their entire plane was overweight. Rather than make some passengers disembark (or jettison the granola bars), the Captain said they would remove some of the “excess” fuel from one of the tanks. I’m glad this didn’t happen on my flight. I’m one of those who would worry the “excess” fuel was suppose to be there for a reason.
After some time sitting at the gate, their Captain came back on to apologized and explain the crew had removed the fuel from the wrong tank! I’m told they were very late getting off the ground, but fortunately they then had enough fuel to stay in the air.
I passed some of the time on my flight reading AmericanWay, American Airlines self-promotional magazine. There was a fascinating column by Gerard J. Arpey, Chairman & CEO of American Airlines. Here are some of the riveting excerpts and my responses:
“Have you ever paused to consider just how an aircraft weighing hundreds of tons gets itself into the air - and stay there?”
No, but thank you for bringing that problem to my attention while I’m about to take off. I hope I can get to the answer and have some peace of mind before hurtling down this runway.
Here is how he wraps up his article:
“That’s an incomplete description of how and why lift occurs, and I’m sure some erudite American Way readers will come up with ways my explanation could be better. But at the very least, I hope it gives you a little better sense of how we get these giant CONTRAPTIONS WE CALL AIRPLANES up in the air.” [emphasis added]
I realize that in politics it’s considered a positive attribute to connect with the man in the street, Joe six-pack. It made George Bush President of the United States. But George Bush isn’t flying Air Force One. I expect the President & CEO of a major airline to give me the definitive definition of flight, not a self-described incomplete description. Come on! You’re the head of American Airlines. Somebody who works for you has to know how a plane flies. Try looking it up on the internet next time.
Finally, all kidding aside, the flight attendants and front-line staff make or break an airline. The employees of American Airlines couldn’t have been friendlier. Flying may be a lot less glamorous than it use to, but it’s still better than taking a wagon train across the desert.
