Candidates Buried In Flood
Of Special Interest Surveys
In my real work (you know, that thing we all do in our spare time) I often work with candidates running for State or Federal office for the first time. Invariably one of the first questions I’m asked is, “What do I do with all these surveys I’m getting in the mail?”
One of the ways special interest groups like to let candidates know more about them and their agenda is by sending out questionnaires. These can be the first step on the road of receiving the endorsement and financial backing of the organization. They can also be a little intimidating.
Take the 2006 Missouri Candidate Survey of the Missouri Beer Wholesalers Association Political Action Committee:
Question one: “Do you favor maintaining a licensed three-tier distribution system for beer?”
Hmmm? I had been thinking of a four-tier system.
The chances are most first time candidates running for a seat in the Missouri General Assembly have given absolutely no thought whatsoever to their position on maintaining a licensed three-tier beer distribution system. It probably isn’t on their top ten reasons I chose to run for office list. Nor probably are any of the other eighteen questions Missouri’s Beer Wholesalers were keen to know.
My personal favorite was question sixteen: “Would you support increasing the public awareness of the positive benefits of moderate consumption of malt beverage?”
Let’s see…Answer: Yes. That doesn’t sound positive enough and the beer wholesalers probably have a lot of money in their PAC fund. How about, “Yes and I would personally volunteer for any scientific studies of beer consumption you may care to conduct at the State Capitol.” That’s better.
Among the dozens and dozens of surveys candidates receive, most are from legitimate groups like the National Federation of Small Business, the Missouri National Education Association, the United Auto Workers, etc. But some leave you scratching your head if they are any more than a post office box at Sam Druker’s Store in Hooterville.
Here’s a good one from The Constitutional Coalition. That should be an easy one. After all, who’s not for the Constitution.
Question one: “Free people are not equal, and equal people are not free. Do you agree, disagree or are undecided?”
Huh? Did they get that off a bumper strip somewhere?
Question five: “If you encourage or subsidize something, you get more of it; if you discourage or tax something, you get less of it.”
Agree, disagree or undecided? I thought I took the SAT in high school.
Twenty-two mind numbing questions later…the final question. “What newspapers do you read?”
That’s great. The group screens candidates by what newspapers they read. I wonder if the First Amendment got left off their copy of the Constitution. Let’s put down the Denver Post and Boston Herald. That should keep them guessing for a while.
Most aren’t this hard to figure out. They want candidates to know their position on the issues. The Missouri State Teachers Association even enclosed a policy statement giving their positions on the questions being asked. It is sort of like taking an open book test.
Did I mention that some of these surveys come with their own curse like King Tut’s Tomb or a chain letter of some sort. Here’s one example:
“We will consider a no-response an indication that you do not want friends and neighbors to know what you think and believe.”
How about considering it an indication you can go to #@**. I better erase that.
Some groups are better off if they stick with the subjects they know the most about. There is a group called the Gun Owners of America, who must think the NRA isn’t doing a good enough job. Most of their survey dealt with different types of guns and ammo they think should be legal. What you would expect the group to be concerned with.
But question 12 C asked if the candidate agreed or disagreed that we shouldn’t increase Federal penalties for “violent” criminals. Where did that come from? I’m not sure the “violent criminal” lobby needs any more help.
The Missouri Chamber of Commerce mailed out one of the longest surveys this year. It contained a total of 38 questions for candidates to answer. One question asked about removing the loss limits for gamblers on Missouri’s casinos and another about keeping the number of gambling licenses at the current level. Both of these are big issues for Missouri’s gaming industry and apparently the Chamber of Commerce.
I thought that with all these special interest groups surveying candidates, that average voters should develop a survey to send to send to the special interest groups.
Question one: How much do you intend to spend trying to influence members of the Missouri General Assembly in the coming year?
Question two: Does anyone beside your “Executive Director of Governmental Affairs” ever read the hundreds of survey responses?
Question three: Why are the most profound and controversial issues always a yes or no answer?
Question four: What’s your favorite color?
They probably will say plaid.
