Divorce American Style
Dr. Howard Rosenthal
Dear Dr. Rosenthal,
My 21- year old son is getting married to a young woman who is approximately the same age. They fight constantly and disagree about nearly everything. I am truly worried that the marriage will end in divorce. My son says that things will get better after they are married. Maybe I just worry too much. What do you think? Joy
Dear Joy,
Since I don’t know your son or the young lady I can only respond from a statistical vantage point . . . but believe me it won’t be positive!
First, the U.S. divorce rate began to soar in the mid-1970s. Today, the odds of getting divorced are equal to flipping a coin. Simply put, about 50% of all first marriages fail in about seven years. The odds for a second marriage soar to about 64 or 65%.
Worse yet, young marriages have an even more dismal track record since there is often a discernable change in the personality around age 24 or 25.
My take is at odds with your son on another issue: I have rarely, if ever, seen a problem that got better after a couple got married. Indeed, my vast experience doing marriage counseling has taught me that such problems get worse after the couple signs on the dotted line!
My advice is to haul the couple in to see a counselor before they decide to get married. Otherwise (as I have stated in past columns) my crystal ball tells me that this is not a marriage made in heaven but rather another that will battle it out in divorce court.
Dr. Howard Rosenthal is Professor and Program Coordinator of Human Services at St. Louis Community College at Florissant Valley. He is the author of numerous books and audio series. You can secure his book Help Yourself to Positive Mental Health by calling 1-800-634-7064 ext. 4. His newest website is www.counselingshop.com.
